Am I A Good Parent?

Everything we do. Every interaction. Every relationship formed, pursued and nurtured intentionally.

Tasks we participate in, individually or as part of a team.

All those, are currency.

A realisation I made only recently.

This moment shared between my daughter and I - Currency!

I had been wondering whether I’m sometimes emotionally unavailable to my daughter. Sometimes too firm when she wants to be coddled. Do I understand her like a mother should? Do I meet her needs as I am meant to? Am I a good parent?

I cannot put my finger on what the exact trigger was; but I was slowly spiraling into mum guilt mode.

Then came a memory.

One day, while walking along Boulevard Victor Hugo in Nice, my baby started screaming. It was hot. He was hungry. Probably thirsty too. It’s hard to tell the difference when they are just a few months old. As quickly as I could, I walked to the nearest bench.

Flustered, I sat down. Putting enough distance between us and an elderly lady who already occupied it. Making sure not to encroach into her personal space.

Baby still screaming, but now on my lap, I quickly poured formula into a bottle of water. Shook it like our lives depended on the perfection of its consistency and gently slipped the nipple of that bottle between his lips.

His screams calmed into soft sobs, then, silence. Relief.

As I sat, humming the Shona nursery rhyme Shiri Yakanaka to my feeding baby, the old woman watched. Silently. Until she spoke.

“Tu est une bonne maman. Regarde comment tu prends soin de ton bébé". (You are good mother. Look how well you are taking care of your baby).

Those words washed over me like a calming breeze.

I was doing what any good parent does. Tending to the needs of my child.

Acknowledgement. Reassurance. Wholesome moment. Currency!

From there, my mind travelled further back to one evening when; while out for dinner, my daughter soiled her diaper. I took to the ladies where a changing table was conveniently located across from a row of basins and a large mirror.

She did not like laying on her back for diaper changes. She hated it. Diaper changes required creativity and speed without compromising thoroughness. I was a good enough parent to know this one detail about my child.

Good music played through the restaurant’s sound system. I kicked into dance mode. Singing along as I gently positioned her on the table while putting on a show to entertain her enough that she giggled and stayed on her back till the clean diaper was on.

All along, a young lady had been observing us while waiting for a cubicle to free up. Now, as I finished the change, she was washing her hands at the basins. She stopped to dry her hands, then before walking out, she spoke to me.

“Your daughter is really lucky to have you for a mum”.

Acknowledgement. Reassurance. Wholesome moment. Currency!

Those two memories saved me from the mum guilt mode I had been spiraling into. Those moments, now memories; were currency. They are currency. A type that cannot be expended. You make a withdrawal on demand, and you keep coming back for as long you need.

Whenever you find yourself wondering: Am I a good parent? Go to your bank to be reminded that yes, you are a good parent.

You can also apply this to topics or experiences outside parenting.

Let’s use an example which applies to most adults: Work or career related situations.

Fear, doubts, imposter syndrome and all that stuff? In one capacity or another, they happen to all of us.

You can bank your successes and small wins on the work front too. Turn them into currency.

I recently did some work for a client. My first (for that specific line of work) in over a decade. She was pleased with the services rendered. So pleased she raved about it on her socials. So, I took screenshots of her raving posts and saved them.

Currency!

The next time fear, doubt, imposter syndrome etc. kick in, I will go back to those screenshots and make a withdrawal.

We’re all constantly making deposits. Into each other, and into our selves. Knowingly or unknowingly.

YOU are constantly creating currency, making deposits.

Small wins. Big wins. Moments of joy. Shared experiences and and and... All that, amounts to currency.

So, the next time you find yourself spiraling, reach into your bank of undiminishing resources. Make a withdrawal.  

It doesn’t matter the amount of money in your financial bank account. High, low, or none at all.

You have an undiminishable currency from which you can make withdrawals on demand. 24/7. 365. Come rain or thunder. Even power cuts have no effect on it!

Which withdrawal do you need to make for yourself today?

What will you deposit into the next person's bank of undiminishable currency?

While the shona proverb goes, “matakadya kare haanyaradze mwana”, I have now learnt, and experienced that we can find healing for today, in yesterday.